Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
