i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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