she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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