shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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