apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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