I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Randomize
