made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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