If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
