im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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