put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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