Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
