Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
