I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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