Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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