im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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