Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I had to cum in my sink.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
