Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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