Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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