I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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