I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
