I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
