He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
