i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
