And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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