Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
