perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
