I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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