actually, I'm a sock model
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
