i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
