DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
