I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
