He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
