lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
