fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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