I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
