You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize