Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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