i barfeds in our rink
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
