her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
