I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
