Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
