I hate your face
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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