I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
