I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
