my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
