cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
