Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
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