he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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