I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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