saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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