Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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