she woke up with a sticky ear
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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