You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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