If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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