2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
