yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
