dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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