Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
