he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
