I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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