I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
