smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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