Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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