i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
