if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
