Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Randomize
