Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
