I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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