Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize