glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
