I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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