I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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