if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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