So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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