I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
