Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize