At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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