His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize