Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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