I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
