Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
