another moral hangover. fuck.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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