tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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