can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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