Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
