And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The air was thick with penises
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
