9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
