I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
