Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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