I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Drunk is not a location!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
