So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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