Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize