it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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