READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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