Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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