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The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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